4 Reasons We’re Moving Abroad as a Family and Why Now

Photo by İrem Yılmaztürk

Plans… Deferred

I had so many plans for how my life would go as a kid, expectations — of what I’d see, what I’d accomplish, milestones I’d hit. I even knew the ages I’d do them.

Honestly, I’d probably need to live a hundred lifetimes to do everything I dreamed of when I was fifteen.

All the things I planned… From joining the Peace Corps to give back, to enlisting in the military to find community and see the world… Teaching kids to read and encourage a love of learning… Becoming a vet to save all the cats… Running my own business… And most certainly being married by 21, a mom by 24, and have all 3 kids (a boy and 2 girls) by 27.

There was no limit to what I’d do “one day.” And when you’re a kid, “one day” feels so easy.

But “one day” has a way of turning into “maybe someday” when real life starts happening. Time moves faster. Risks feel heavier. And sometimes the biggest dreams are the first to be shelved.

I love my life — truly. Deeply. But I’ve let a lot of ideas sit untouched because of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the risk, and most of all, fear of disrupting the beautiful family I’ve built and hurting my parents and sister.

So the idea of moving — not just to a new home, but out of state, out of the country — felt… impossible.

It took years for me to even get comfortable thinking about it. At first, I was just thinking about thinking about it. 

Wouldn’t it be cool if…? 

I would love to live in Belgium. Germany. Japan. Italy. Portugal. Costa Rica. Mexico. New Zealand. 

I wish, I wish, I wish…

The Conversation With My Husband That Changed Everything

After talking about all this wishing with my husband– who has always been willing to live anywhere, drop everything and move in a second–  for the 17,342nd time, he said, “Nothing is permanent. If you want to go and we hate it, we can move again. We’re not stuck.”

I swear, my mind broke.

Stuck. That was the word. It described my mindset perfectly.

That statement flipped my stuckness on its head and my fear started to look different. Smaller. More manageable. And overshadowed by something new– excitement.

Once I opened the door to “what if,” it was like my whole brain reoriented. I wasn’t stuck. We weren’t stuck. We could go anywhere.

But the world is big — and choosing somewhere felt like the next big leap.

So we started to dream out loud. In a perfect world, what kind of lifestyle did we want? What kind of community? What values did we want surrounding our family?

List after list of priorities, timelines, and goals — plus many late-night research sessions (pro tip: midnight feeds are surprisingly productive!) — eventually led us to one place: Portugal.

So… we decided to go.

4 Reasons We’re Leaving the US

There are a lot of things about the US that are unique — some good, and some less so. As a new mom, thinking about my son’s future here gave me great pause. We thought long and hard about the life, values, and culture we want our son to grow up with, and we agreed that, for now, the U.S. isn’t the “right” place for us. 

1. Safety

I spent three years teaching in Florida, and during that time, there were over 200 gun-related incidents in schools across the country. I was even teaching during the Marjory Stoneman Douglas shooting, which ultimately played a big role in my decision to leave the field altogether.

Gun violence — and violence in general — is a huge part of why we’re making this move now. Having a child has only deepened my concerns for safety in this country. The US was ranked 132 out of 163 countries on the Global Peace Index. That’s a sobering statistic and one that doesn’t sit easily with me.

2. Healthcare

Access to high-quality healthcare was another big factor. If you know, you know: having a baby in the United States is expensive — even with insurance. Add in the lack of bodily autonomy, high maternal morbidity rates, and no parental leave? It’s downright scary.

If we choose to have another baby, I want a different experience — one that feels safe and supported. Since I can’t change the culture here, I had to change something — so here we are.

3. Work-Life Balance

The culture around work also pushed me to start moving my feet. 

I don’t want to live to work; I want to work to live. Most of all, I want to spend every second I can soaking in my husband and child. There’s a trend on TikTok right now that says, “I almost forgot this was the whole point,” and people share videos of something meaningful to them. My family is my point.

4. Lifestyle and Values

When we talked about the lifestyle we wanted, we dreamed of something slower, with more room for adventure and flexibility — a life that better reflects both who I see myself as and who I want to become. 

Choosing to not act — to not go out and do — because of fear is not something I can tolerate this time around. I don’t want to tell my son one day that I didn’t do the things I wanted, the things I dreamed of, the things I wished and prayed for, because I was too afraid I would fail. If I go out and fall on my face, that isn’t a failure. The only failure is not acting. To that end, I have to go because I refuse to fail.

Where We’re Headed

We considered a few different places, including one my husband wanted most but didn’t quite fit (sorry, boo!). 

Ultimately, we chose to start with Portugal. You can read more about this decision to move to Portugal here!

As I sit here and write these words, I feel a mix of nerves and excitement. Moving abroad as a family isn’t just about finding a new place to live — it’s about living a new way. It’s about showing my son that it’s okay to take chances, to trust yourself, and to build the life you want, even if it looks different than you once imagined. We’re not running away from anything — we’re running toward a life that feels more aligned with who we are and who we want to become. So here’s to the next chapter — and to the courage to start.

A quick heads-up from Alley:
I’m a mental health counselor, but this blog is just me, sharing stories — not giving advice or doing anything clinical. If you’re a client, you’re totally not expected to follow along (but hi if you’re here!).

To all: thanks for reading — I’m so glad you stopped by. Feel free to share or say hello in the comments!